can i be certain

questions asked
in the hour of dawn

why do i get so upset?

what in me feels wronged and gets hurt?

can i observe my inner resistance?

and also sense curiosity and kindness
arriving to aid this inquiry?

now a young voice asks:
where do my thoughts come from?

why is thought
so vexing?

am i the thinker?
am i thinking?

how can i be certain of anything
if i can not answer:
what am i?

little freakouts

i try to pause
to breathe and relax

ahhh  . . .
nope, argh!

here’s where my intentions
meet the momentum of
my habitual doing-ness

my mind left to itself
freaks out a little

it encounters boredom
and that’s not easy

so the mind begins to think
story upon story

it gets enthralled
in rehashing history

or plans the next meal
or finds itself in amazing daydreams
or simply nods off for a while

or it invents an urgent task
and finds itself half way across
the room before noticing
it’s no longer pausing

yup, it’s not easy

yet there is a longing
that calls me back to myself
that knows

and i try pausing again
and it becomes easier
and funnier

still marvelous

still marvelous
observing the breath

the in and out
rhythm of life

lungs sucking
in air

a momentary
fullness

then the tide turns
and in becomes out

a momentary
stillness

until the next breath
rushes in, unique and vital

each breath connecting
into the ocean of air

into the chorus
of all beings breathing

into the first breath,
last breath continuum

tenderness of the heart

dear one
why do you read
this musing?

is it not
to connect
with yourself?

to meet yourself
in tenderness

to sense the quiet
that dwells within

witness your many actions
that seek peace, kindness
and clarity

they are your
countless devotions

your love letters
to life itself

to the great mystery
that surrounds and suffuses you
that is you

look closely
look kindly

see the faithful seeking
the tenderness of your own heart

slow melt

during a winter’s ice-storm
a woman appeared outside
clad in shorts and flip-flops

it took but one glance
for judging-mind
to think of her as daft

judging-mind was certain,
even superior
in how it viewed her

this moment would
have gone unnoticed
if not for a simple question

could i now connect with her
unbiased, warmheartedly?

noticing how difficult it would be
for us to meet unencumbered

the seemingly small thought
of judging-mind
showed itself in a new light

it had created such distance
from the heart and between us

an unexpected insight,
a slow melt back towards
tenderness and gratitude 

the last one

what if
today’s drama
is the last one
you’d ever have?

the last frustration, envy, anger
the last grief, sorrow, loneliness

what if they’d never come
to visit again?

would they be missed?

would they be welcomed
more warmly today?

these temporary
noble teachers

whirling about,
as they pass through

turning us back
towards light

of stillness and peace

the lungs breathe
meeting the body’s requirements

no more, no less,
just beautifully so

from the first breath onward
to this very moment

when the act of breathing
becomes conscious

not thinking
about breathing

but the intimate
awareness of breathing

in that instant
something changes

a time of stillness
and peace

tender and connected
the witnessing of a single breath

a stroke of luck

once, after a particularly animated
exchange with a loved one

both of us expressing
“our” points of view

which happened
to differ

a stroke of luck - flashed,
for an instant being able to see

how entrenched “my” views were
how right they felt

how “my” views came
with such urgency

impatiently seeking
to be expressed

even intolerant to listening
to my loved one’s views

what an intoxicated state
to find the mind in!

next came curiosity
and questions:

how did these views
came to be “my” views?

when had they last,
or ever, been examined?

how long had they had 
full access to mind and mouth?

realizing there is no freedom at all
when being tempted to argue hotly

for any view
that inhabits the mind

this stroke of luck caused
a humbling pause and flood of gratitude

becoming friends

playful, willful, easily distracted
like a young dog
is my mind

how to live with
such exuberant energy
without losing patience?

decide to understand
the mischief-maker better
to humbly befriend it

through kind eyes
watching the mind
as it moves

working with what is
learning, growing, loving

there is much joy
when the mind becomes a friend

stay tuned

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