little freakouts

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i try to pause
to breathe and relax

ahhh  . . .
nope, argh!

here’s where my intentions
meet the momentum of
my habitual doing-ness

my mind left to itself
freaks out a little

it encounters boredom
and that’s not easy

so the mind begins to think
story upon story

it gets enthralled
in rehashing history

or plans the next meal
or finds itself in amazing daydreams
or simply nods off for a while

or it invents an urgent task
and finds itself half way across
the room before noticing
it’s no longer pausing

yup, it’s not easy

yet there is a longing
that calls me back to myself
that knows

and i try pausing again
and it becomes easier
and funnier